AND THEN.. that's what she said..

Sitting in the heat I'm reminded of how long its been since the last time I posted on this so called site. The past few days even weeks seem a blur to me. I'm making no excuses for my lack of blogging, oh no not me! HA HA... but seriously. Mentally you could say I was the biggest car crash you've ever seen. Its funny cuz you have those in life that stop at the scene of the accident and run out to help and do what they can, then you have the other who drive by at turtle speed and stare and whisper amongst each other while taking photos. I wont tell you whats been going on inside my head because honestly it is noones business but my own, but thank you to those who have stopped by the wreckage and helped. Sometimes being left alone is best. In my experience thats what works for me. So I apologize to those I pushed away and kept distance from. I'n not really insane.. ok well maybe alittle. *wink

So where to go from here? I only see UP!

I bought a snake. He is the most relaxing pet I've ever owned and I love him. Its super hot in this room and the idea of food right now makes me want to vomit.. but alas I should eat something. This is going nowhere fast, So I'll end it here.
Cheers to the day.. and many more with smiling happy faces to come.
XoXo.

...and then...

When is enough... enough?
I have lots to think on. Until then... talk amongst yourselves.
xoxox

endorphines make you happy.. and happy people just dont kill people.

Content. Thats what I'm feeling at the moment. I haven't been this content and happy for sometime. AND I LOVE IT! I've found the perfect outlet for my feelings. Art. Yeah so what if im not so good at it, its something I can enjoy myself and it keeps me busy. I've got some great new music that keeps me going as well. Friends are many, but only the close ones will survive and Im happy with that as well. Im more about the quality anyways. I am happy being me.. Im happy.. did you hear me? IM HAPPY!! and i can say it again if you want me to? (Big cheesy grin).
Cody once said that if you surround yourself with unhappy people then you yourself will take on that feeling. So out with the bad bring-me-downers and in the with Happy-go-luckiers.. which i think is pretty much most of my friends anyways. Im starting to talk out my ass, but its ok cuz sometimes my ass has good things to say, apparently just not today. So.. until next time.. be Happy, Be merry, and Be in love.. for life is to short to worry about all the rest of the stuff!!
xoxoxo

...little girl lost

The ramen cooks in the background. Steam danced up from the pot. I sit and ponder my life to the tune of Pinback.. Song 9. The death clock says I will die on Friday May 29, 2071... I have, at this moment: 2,081,733,755 seconds until I die. 93. that’s a good age I suppose. There’s events in your life that make you think. They make you ponder as I am doing now.. What led you to where you’re at? What leads you to your future? Why do people do what they do? And first and foremost why do they do it to you? The golden rule has always been my way.. I was unaware there was any other. Funny how others must have gone to a school where they taught the other ways. I hate that I allow myself to be taken advantage of. I despise the fact that I can’t say NO. I’m working on it slowly, everyday a I set a pace to the land of assholeville, one step closer to being the bitch, that person with the trait that I’ve never liked in anyone else. I’ll close myself off from the world. It happening and I can feel it happening again. I’ll retreat to my hot baths, my books.. The ones that take me away from this so called reality, and the warmth of the arms that call to me. Those arms that at this very moment I crave to be in. I’ll run to his body, for it soaks up my tears and sets my troubles at ease. When I start complaining I know I’m through. I’ve become the person I hate. My cattiness has gotten out of control
I know I’m not a big fan of some people but that doesn't mean I should talk ill of them
or anyone else for that matter. Someone I thought was my friend pushed and pushed me on the fact that they thought I did something that I did NOT do. A girlfriend of mine came in tonight and cried because her life has been terribly hard to handle lately.. and where was I?
I was lost in my own oblivion. Have I really lost touch with all that matters? Little girl lost.. Can she be found? I sit and ponder. Tomorrow will be a better day.. The sun will come out tomorrow and all will be fine.
*tear*

Sweet Daysh...

DAYSHA MY LOVE!! I will always love you so dont feel left out of my friend circle. You started the circle as my first and foremost friend (other than ed). I could never nor will i ever forget you.. you just need to call me biatch cuz i miss you and you never return my calls.. so whose the sucka now? kiss the boys for me!
XOXOXOX... and i've got my eyes on you!

Big bird and I love you Blue!

size matters?

Its monday and its yet another dreary monday day. The rain is in the air again, but i shouldn;t complain because atleast it has been nice on the weekends. I had one of the laziest days on sunday and I enjoyed every minute of it! Lounging around on ed, sleeping on the couch next to him and listening to the beat of his heart... makes you wonder. Does the size of a persons heart matter? If someone who has a small heart can love and be as wonderful as someone with a Big one. I'll have to ask Dr. Gott. I think up the stupidest shit in the mornings.. ha ha. I was hoping to get to Missoula this week but sometimes things work out how they are suppose so. So maybe next week I shall go. I prolly dont need to spend the money anyways, but I would truly love a getaway in the middle of the week.. enjoy the sun, the friends, and the splendors of materialistic joy! lmao! Imma shop-a-holic what can i say?!
Im finding things out about myself that i never knew. Things, feelings, i never thought i was capable of. Im excited yet scared at the sametime. Ive found new creative outlets. I would update you on the tattie show from saturday, but alas I was much disheartened by it all. It was the seediest joint ive ever been in... nothing like the hawtness of the Ptown clubs. Perhaps the Mouin would offer a better array?! But hanging out with friends is always awesome regardless of where you are.
hmmm... im out of thoughts for the time being. Ive tons of paperwork to do and I think Im going to work out a schedule so that I can keep on task better, cuz Im like a hyperactive child with A.D.D... i dont stay on task for long....
Until the next entry.. and here's to hoping the next one will be better ... or not.. ;)
xoxox.. 381

...cuz im on fire, so stomp me out..

Not only am I hot from the sunburn that I attained just recently, Im stylin today. Ha ha. Dont worry I wont let it go to my head.. oh wait it already has! No.. today is the 6th year anniversary of my marriage. So therefore I dressed to impress. The only thing better than that would be feeling germ-free. Im sick.. yes folks the stupid flu has hit! UGH...Mel and I were in a creative mood last night.. and like the trooper I am we decorated flip-flops themed to our "Hey Hot Bitches" theme song.. glitter and glue and secksey foam letters.. it was sweet. We also decorated a pen jar for the store and a Butt Pot.. for the smoking butts out on the porch. We're so dang handy.. watch out Martha! (Oh no wait.. mel is the creative one.. erin was vomiting in the bathroom between glitter sessions.) HA HA.
I dont get men. neither does she. we have that in common. and it is nice. My sweet Tone came over last night drunk.. that silly girl, I miss her, but im excited cuz it seems that we may be getting back on the right track. Its hard to find good people to be friends with and when you do.. you want to hold onto them! My head aches with thought.. but its all jumbled up with the sickness. So what may seem like good fluid thought turns out just to be fatigue and craziness. :)
Oh but wait.. that is usually me.. teehee.
So this weekend will be tattie weekend. Im stoked. We're gonna sport the XURG mobile and van-it down to three forks. Hopefully i will be feeling better by then.
I want to lay down.. I want to snuggle and nap. Later. tonight. when im home and happy in the arms of my sweet.
I love you all you know. Eddy, Rogie, Lindsey, Melissa , Toni and Jamie.. you are my life force. We're like the Justice League and I am soo wonderwoman. HAHA. ;) No but seriously.. if i named the most important people in my life other than my family.. it would be you people. I think Rogie, Ed, and Linds are the only people that ever read this.. but you guys.. seriously... I love you. :)
Cheers to the day and until next time.....
Snootch to the mutha fukin Bootch!

Nothing to report.. all systems are still go.

For once i have nothing to say about anything. ;) Yes, mark that down in the books.. No soapboxing today. The only excitement is i chopped off all my hair. It's very freeing. Melissa and I went out for ice cream and coffee.. who says you can't have it all? HA HA. Have a hair dye session on wednesday which rocks. I will slowly learn what and how to do the new do. This morning is so fresh and clean. I love the crisp air.. it pricks every sense of ones being. I like that. I love the senses. Blessed with: Sight, to see every beautiful hue. Hearing, to listen to the miraculous sounds that every living thing creates. Taste, to feel the great textures of everything we eat, and the flavors that each item brings to our palate. Touch, to feel everything God created. yeah.. enough for now.. im supersillious. i'll update you tomorrow on movie night!
XOXOXO... and PO!