The biggest little girl..

My eyes burn with the want of tears. But Im a big girl, and the thought of a headache, runny nose and reddened eyes just wouldn't be fitting. So.. I'll suck it up and sit in the dark pondering about all the words that have peirced this heart of mine. Its been a rollercoaster but I wont give up, Ive put too much into this.. too much time.. too much energy.. and I know he will be fine soon. I will be fine soon too. This happy face I wear is wearing thin and the real feelings are starting to emerge. I think the mini-cation will be just what the Doc would have ordered for me. Altho I will admit the thought of leaving the house, the store everything.. worries me. I know that everything will be fine, but me and my ways are set and I'm afraid. I know once we get on the road everything will be fine and i'll just be thinking of all the great stuff we will get to do. This will just have to be my escape. Music has become too important to me. Its amazing how certain songs just seem to "fit" to the situation. Ive even found myself singing songs from my younger years. There was this one song, from when we lived in AZ, and everytime we went to the grocery store it played. It was like the grocery store song.. and I sang it tonight. It brought a smile to my face remembering those times. Everything I have ever done can be remembered by a song that was playing. The faint sound of the Cumbias when i lost my virginity. No Doubt, spiderwebs when I used to get high with my gurls in high school. Less than jake when I found out i was pregnant. Matchbox 20 when i went through those hard months alone being pregnant. Ben Harpers By my side on my wedding day. The sweetest Emo when I met my best friend. :) HAHA.. music is just soooo my life in a movie. I could pick out the perfect song for every moment of my life. (call me john cusak .. High Fidelity) So anyways I have soo much to get done tonight and its already late.. So i close for now.. I will have a safe trip, I'll email all my sweetest friends and I will take so many pictures it will cost me a fortune to develope. I love you... i know you will read this.. and i just want to say I LOVE YOU more than you could ever know! If there was a better word to describe how i feel i would use it.. but until i come up with that word (or until webster does) thats what i express to you. Hold me close.. and dont ever let me go!
<3