...little girl lost

The ramen cooks in the background. Steam danced up from the pot. I sit and ponder my life to the tune of Pinback.. Song 9. The death clock says I will die on Friday May 29, 2071... I have, at this moment: 2,081,733,755 seconds until I die. 93. that’s a good age I suppose. There’s events in your life that make you think. They make you ponder as I am doing now.. What led you to where you’re at? What leads you to your future? Why do people do what they do? And first and foremost why do they do it to you? The golden rule has always been my way.. I was unaware there was any other. Funny how others must have gone to a school where they taught the other ways. I hate that I allow myself to be taken advantage of. I despise the fact that I can’t say NO. I’m working on it slowly, everyday a I set a pace to the land of assholeville, one step closer to being the bitch, that person with the trait that I’ve never liked in anyone else. I’ll close myself off from the world. It happening and I can feel it happening again. I’ll retreat to my hot baths, my books.. The ones that take me away from this so called reality, and the warmth of the arms that call to me. Those arms that at this very moment I crave to be in. I’ll run to his body, for it soaks up my tears and sets my troubles at ease. When I start complaining I know I’m through. I’ve become the person I hate. My cattiness has gotten out of control
I know I’m not a big fan of some people but that doesn't mean I should talk ill of them
or anyone else for that matter. Someone I thought was my friend pushed and pushed me on the fact that they thought I did something that I did NOT do. A girlfriend of mine came in tonight and cried because her life has been terribly hard to handle lately.. and where was I?
I was lost in my own oblivion. Have I really lost touch with all that matters? Little girl lost.. Can she be found? I sit and ponder. Tomorrow will be a better day.. The sun will come out tomorrow and all will be fine.
*tear*