A Day in the life of LadyXurg

AND THEN.. that's what she said..

2005-07-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the heat I'm reminded of how long its been since the last time I posted on this so called site. The past few days even weeks seem a blur to me. I'm making no excuses for my lack of blogging, oh no not me! HA HA... but seriously. Mentally you could say I was the biggest car crash you've ever seen. Its funny cuz you have those in life that stop at the scene of the accident and run out to help and do what they can, then you have the other who drive by at turtle speed and stare and whisper amongst each other while taking photos. I wont tell you whats been going on inside my head because honestly it is noones business but my own, but thank you to those who have stopped by the wreckage and helped. Sometimes being left alone is best. In my experience thats what works for me. So I apologize to those I pushed away and kept distance from. I'n not really insane.. ok well maybe alittle. *wink

So where to go from here? I only see UP!

I bought a snake. He is the most relaxing pet I've ever owned and I love him. Its super hot in this room and the idea of food right now makes me want to vomit.. but alas I should eat something. This is going nowhere fast, So I'll end it here.
Cheers to the day.. and many more with smiling happy faces to come.
XoXo.

...and then...

2005-06-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

When is enough... enough?
I have lots to think on. Until then... talk amongst yourselves.
xoxox

endorphines make you happy.. and happy people just dont kill people.

2005-06-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Content. Thats what I'm feeling at the moment. I haven't been this content and happy for sometime. AND I LOVE IT! I've found the perfect outlet for my feelings. Art. Yeah so what if im not so good at it, its something I can enjoy myself and it keeps me busy. I've got some great new music that keeps me going as well. Friends are many, but only the close ones will survive and Im happy with that as well. Im more about the quality anyways. I am happy being me.. Im happy.. did you hear me? IM HAPPY!! and i can say it again if you want me to? (Big cheesy grin).
Cody once said that if you surround yourself with unhappy people then you yourself will take on that feeling. So out with the bad bring-me-downers and in the with Happy-go-luckiers.. which i think is pretty much most of my friends anyways. Im starting to talk out my ass, but its ok cuz sometimes my ass has good things to say, apparently just not today. So.. until next time.. be Happy, Be merry, and Be in love.. for life is to short to worry about all the rest of the stuff!!
xoxoxo

...little girl lost

2005-06-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

The ramen cooks in the background. Steam danced up from the pot. I sit and ponder my life to the tune of Pinback.. Song 9. The death clock says I will die on Friday May 29, 2071... I have, at this moment: 2,081,733,755 seconds until I die. 93. that’s a good age I suppose. There’s events in your life that make you think. They make you ponder as I am doing now.. What led you to where you’re at? What leads you to your future? Why do people do what they do? And first and foremost why do they do it to you? The golden rule has always been my way.. I was unaware there was any other. Funny how others must have gone to a school where they taught the other ways. I hate that I allow myself to be taken advantage of. I despise the fact that I can’t say NO. I’m working on it slowly, everyday a I set a pace to the land of assholeville, one step closer to being the bitch, that person with the trait that I’ve never liked in anyone else. I’ll close myself off from the world. It happening and I can feel it happening again. I’ll retreat to my hot baths, my books.. The ones that take me away from this so called reality, and the warmth of the arms that call to me. Those arms that at this very moment I crave to be in. I’ll run to his body, for it soaks up my tears and sets my troubles at ease. When I start complaining I know I’m through. I’ve become the person I hate. My cattiness has gotten out of control
I know I’m not a big fan of some people but that doesn't mean I should talk ill of them
or anyone else for that matter. Someone I thought was my friend pushed and pushed me on the fact that they thought I did something that I did NOT do. A girlfriend of mine came in tonight and cried because her life has been terribly hard to handle lately.. and where was I?
I was lost in my own oblivion. Have I really lost touch with all that matters? Little girl lost.. Can she be found? I sit and ponder. Tomorrow will be a better day.. The sun will come out tomorrow and all will be fine.
*tear*

Sweet Daysh...

2005-06-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

DAYSHA MY LOVE!! I will always love you so dont feel left out of my friend circle. You started the circle as my first and foremost friend (other than ed). I could never nor will i ever forget you.. you just need to call me biatch cuz i miss you and you never return my calls.. so whose the sucka now? kiss the boys for me!
XOXOXOX... and i've got my eyes on you!

Big bird and I love you Blue!

size matters?

2005-06-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

Its monday and its yet another dreary monday day. The rain is in the air again, but i shouldn;t complain because atleast it has been nice on the weekends. I had one of the laziest days on sunday and I enjoyed every minute of it! Lounging around on ed, sleeping on the couch next to him and listening to the beat of his heart... makes you wonder. Does the size of a persons heart matter? If someone who has a small heart can love and be as wonderful as someone with a Big one. I'll have to ask Dr. Gott. I think up the stupidest shit in the mornings.. ha ha. I was hoping to get to Missoula this week but sometimes things work out how they are suppose so. So maybe next week I shall go. I prolly dont need to spend the money anyways, but I would truly love a getaway in the middle of the week.. enjoy the sun, the friends, and the splendors of materialistic joy! lmao! Imma shop-a-holic what can i say?!
Im finding things out about myself that i never knew. Things, feelings, i never thought i was capable of. Im excited yet scared at the sametime. Ive found new creative outlets. I would update you on the tattie show from saturday, but alas I was much disheartened by it all. It was the seediest joint ive ever been in... nothing like the hawtness of the Ptown clubs. Perhaps the Mouin would offer a better array?! But hanging out with friends is always awesome regardless of where you are.
hmmm... im out of thoughts for the time being. Ive tons of paperwork to do and I think Im going to work out a schedule so that I can keep on task better, cuz Im like a hyperactive child with A.D.D... i dont stay on task for long....
Until the next entry.. and here's to hoping the next one will be better ... or not.. ;)
xoxox.. 381

...cuz im on fire, so stomp me out..

2005-06-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

Not only am I hot from the sunburn that I attained just recently, Im stylin today. Ha ha. Dont worry I wont let it go to my head.. oh wait it already has! No.. today is the 6th year anniversary of my marriage. So therefore I dressed to impress. The only thing better than that would be feeling germ-free. Im sick.. yes folks the stupid flu has hit! UGH...Mel and I were in a creative mood last night.. and like the trooper I am we decorated flip-flops themed to our "Hey Hot Bitches" theme song.. glitter and glue and secksey foam letters.. it was sweet. We also decorated a pen jar for the store and a Butt Pot.. for the smoking butts out on the porch. We're so dang handy.. watch out Martha! (Oh no wait.. mel is the creative one.. erin was vomiting in the bathroom between glitter sessions.) HA HA.
I dont get men. neither does she. we have that in common. and it is nice. My sweet Tone came over last night drunk.. that silly girl, I miss her, but im excited cuz it seems that we may be getting back on the right track. Its hard to find good people to be friends with and when you do.. you want to hold onto them! My head aches with thought.. but its all jumbled up with the sickness. So what may seem like good fluid thought turns out just to be fatigue and craziness. :)
Oh but wait.. that is usually me.. teehee.
So this weekend will be tattie weekend. Im stoked. We're gonna sport the XURG mobile and van-it down to three forks. Hopefully i will be feeling better by then.
I want to lay down.. I want to snuggle and nap. Later. tonight. when im home and happy in the arms of my sweet.
I love you all you know. Eddy, Rogie, Lindsey, Melissa , Toni and Jamie.. you are my life force. We're like the Justice League and I am soo wonderwoman. HAHA. ;) No but seriously.. if i named the most important people in my life other than my family.. it would be you people. I think Rogie, Ed, and Linds are the only people that ever read this.. but you guys.. seriously... I love you. :)
Cheers to the day and until next time.....
Snootch to the mutha fukin Bootch!

Nothing to report.. all systems are still go.

2005-05-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

For once i have nothing to say about anything. ;) Yes, mark that down in the books.. No soapboxing today. The only excitement is i chopped off all my hair. It's very freeing. Melissa and I went out for ice cream and coffee.. who says you can't have it all? HA HA. Have a hair dye session on wednesday which rocks. I will slowly learn what and how to do the new do. This morning is so fresh and clean. I love the crisp air.. it pricks every sense of ones being. I like that. I love the senses. Blessed with: Sight, to see every beautiful hue. Hearing, to listen to the miraculous sounds that every living thing creates. Taste, to feel the great textures of everything we eat, and the flavors that each item brings to our palate. Touch, to feel everything God created. yeah.. enough for now.. im supersillious. i'll update you tomorrow on movie night!
XOXOXO... and PO!

Violaters will be welcomed with hot tea and a smile...

2005-05-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have that moment in your life where you just sit there and BAM.. you think to yourself, wow this fits. This is what it is about. This is what's meant to be...
Now mind you I'm not saying I have officially had this moment, but this weekend truly shed some light on some issues that I had been dealing with. You are your own worst enemy, I've come to realize this. But instead of self sabatoging myself, I've decided to be my own Frein-emy. As Kooky as this sounds, in all honesty it is a wonderful revelation. Why not take yourself full and wholly, good with the bad! I did something this weekend that I haven't done in ages. I painted. Now I am no Picasso or Monet, But its an expression of me, and that is all that matters. To each his own. My next big mission shall be patience.. cuz as Tyty reminds me daily, Patience is a virtue.. and well basically it is a virtue that I have not yet learned. (I thought we were suppose to have learned everything in kindergarten?) Life is the greatest game of boxing there will ever be.. and you have to roll with the punches until the bell rings. :)
*On a more geeky note:
I got Dance Dance Revolution last night. OMG it is the bomb. I played it for 3 continous hours. Which is soo unlike me. But my plan is to master it so I know those friggin moves inside and out. Haha. Plus it makes me sweat so.. that has to be some sort of good workout. We Had Liam's 7th bday party last night. Hard to believe I am the mother of a 7 yr old. Seems only like yesterday I had found out I was pregnant and my world flew into a whirlwind of unknowns. Funny how life works. I believe that everything does happen for a reason tho. Altho some relationships I still have not yet figured out the meanings too, but perhaps they have not yet revealed themselves to me, and I'm not going to deny the unknown. I will just have to practice that patience and hope for the best. I'm always excited to meet new people. As of late I get alittle nervous that I wont be accepted. But today I have the Eff-em attitude. I am who I am.. finally i am realizing this.
I'm: Silly, happy, caring, fun, flirty, on occassion sexy, smart, talented, friendly, a good listener, and so much more; so these people i meet. If they dont like me their loss. I am me, I am woman, I am Erin hear me ROAR! ha ha ha. Rogie does this sound like I'm back to me?
I've been longing for something in life that has always been present, just hidden underneath the pressures I put on myself.
Funny... I just never thought to look.

a year ago today..

2005-05-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

The state of affairs in ma noggin is complicated. If I could release half of the thoughts that run rampid in my head I do believe I might actually sleep better. The stress of everyday life is not as bad as it has been, I'm not worried about that. Its more of the self-destructive mindset I've always resorted to in time of my lows. I'm not talking physically. Its a more of a mental breakdown than anything. The funny thing is, I'm not depressed or saddened in any way. I'm chaotic. Yes, that would be the word that best describes my mental state. Chaos. I think I live in chaos cuz it is easier to run amok then to be focused and know what you want. Perhaps It is all from fear. Fear of actually succeeding in something. Fear of actually finding out what Im good at, for right now it seems like it is nothing at all. Im not beating myself up or being hard on myself, I think maybe its the perfectionist side of me that lets the rest of my being know that no matter what I do I could always do and be better. Judgment. I do not like to judge others. I find myself making snide comments here and there but it is mostly out of fear that perhaps they are in fact better than myself, which would make it seem as though I don't value myself as much as I should, but on the contrary, I value myself quite highly-But not in an overly egotistical manner. (or atleast I would hope not) I have high expectations on things and people. Why I dunno.. But after pondering it last night maybe it IS due to the fact that I expect everyone and everything to fail. *again* with the destructive mind set. If I put too much into something or someone, when it or they don't meet up to my expectations then its a simple fail. Does it make me feel better, no. But for some reason I can't seem to break the pattern of this destructiveness. I understand the issue at hand.. I know it has to change, But how? I have surrounded myself with people from every walk of life, I've put myself into the no effort role. I don't call people. I don't email like I should. Its like I've cut myself off from the world so that I don't have to deal with failure. If people can't touch me, they wont find out I'M flawed. All in all im fkd in the head. I could think back to the time when this all first started. The boy who messed me up so bad, I could blame him for everything but that wouldn't accomplish anything. It would be the easy way out to blame him for what he did to me. The blame would have to be on my part for having stayed with him for so long knowing full well what he was doing. It was easier to take it, then to get away from it. Like a swinging door.. I could push it away, and it would always come back again and hit me in the face. Sometimes I think a brick wall would have been easier.
How does one make oneself better? Healing takes time and I know that each day it is getting easier. I'm a business woman with a thriving up-n-coming store and a wife with two kids and an amazing husband. Juggling is second nature. I may not be the most beautiful woman in the world but I still love me for me and I like the way I look. So why the big dilemma? The thought irks me in a way I never thought possible. But the true question of my quest right now would have to be how does one get through life with NO expectations? Do you shoot for the stars and hope to hit the ground, then you wont be disappointed? Or do you shoot for the moon and hope to hit a star? I've always done the latter of the two.. But as you have read... Enough said.

~Back on the attack

2005-05-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

So Portland was wonderful. Rainy, cloudy, but it was portland.. need i say more? I had a great time. Didn;t exactly get to do what I wanted to do. But I did get one roll of film done. So that makes me happy, now i just have to get it developed. Got a t-shirt from a stripper.. enough said ;)
No really though I was able to spend time with my brother and my in-laws and it was fantastic. We haven't seen them in almost a year. So it was time well spent. We adopted a basset hound named Dean (after Dean Martin). He was my bro in laws and we will be housing him indefinetely. Needless to say Raja was not the happiest puppy when we came home. But they are becoming the best of buddies now. (they have no choice!) This is a boring one as I dont have too much to say. Im super busy with work and am waaaay behind on some ordering so once Im caught up.. i'll be rolling in the saddles again!
XOXOX

The biggest little girl..

2005-05-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

My eyes burn with the want of tears. But Im a big girl, and the thought of a headache, runny nose and reddened eyes just wouldn't be fitting. So.. I'll suck it up and sit in the dark pondering about all the words that have peirced this heart of mine. Its been a rollercoaster but I wont give up, Ive put too much into this.. too much time.. too much energy.. and I know he will be fine soon. I will be fine soon too. This happy face I wear is wearing thin and the real feelings are starting to emerge. I think the mini-cation will be just what the Doc would have ordered for me. Altho I will admit the thought of leaving the house, the store everything.. worries me. I know that everything will be fine, but me and my ways are set and I'm afraid. I know once we get on the road everything will be fine and i'll just be thinking of all the great stuff we will get to do. This will just have to be my escape. Music has become too important to me. Its amazing how certain songs just seem to "fit" to the situation. Ive even found myself singing songs from my younger years. There was this one song, from when we lived in AZ, and everytime we went to the grocery store it played. It was like the grocery store song.. and I sang it tonight. It brought a smile to my face remembering those times. Everything I have ever done can be remembered by a song that was playing. The faint sound of the Cumbias when i lost my virginity. No Doubt, spiderwebs when I used to get high with my gurls in high school. Less than jake when I found out i was pregnant. Matchbox 20 when i went through those hard months alone being pregnant. Ben Harpers By my side on my wedding day. The sweetest Emo when I met my best friend. :) HAHA.. music is just soooo my life in a movie. I could pick out the perfect song for every moment of my life. (call me john cusak .. High Fidelity) So anyways I have soo much to get done tonight and its already late.. So i close for now.. I will have a safe trip, I'll email all my sweetest friends and I will take so many pictures it will cost me a fortune to develope. I love you... i know you will read this.. and i just want to say I LOVE YOU more than you could ever know! If there was a better word to describe how i feel i would use it.. but until i come up with that word (or until webster does) thats what i express to you. Hold me close.. and dont ever let me go!
<3

im like a book.. you could read me if you only knew the combo..

2005-05-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Save the Green Planet. Strangely odd movie, but entertaining non-the-less. Had I have been less enebriated i may have enjoyed it more. too much reading for a drunken evening though. My mind has been racing lately. I have repressed stress soo much that now it is bubbling up beyond the rim of this glass I call my mind. I can handle it, I have no doubt. I dont know what I would do if it wasn't for ma friends who have helped me out along the way. I was thinking this morning in ma hangover state how much friendship really means to me. I can honestly say that there are a handful of people that I would truly trust with my life. My Husband and life guru- who teaches me to be better everyday. Rogie & Toni- For finding the funny in every situation and that its ok to have a bad day! Daysha- For showing me love has no limits. Lindsey-For reminding me how great life is and that being me is ok and for always being the Goose! Jamie-That reading is cool.. ha ha.. For showing me that there is no challenge I can't face. Melissa- That youth is not just on the outside.. its on the inside and you can keep it forever!! I think I never thought I had friends because I expected too much out of everyone.. and I suppose for lack of better words.. having no expectations.. you can appreciate each person for who they are and what they bring to your life table. ;) As of lately Ive been seeing every color but the blue..but yesterday was the first day I questioned myself. Has the fascade I built up become a permanent mask? I know it will fall, it takes time, but im not the most patient person. Change is always odd for me, Ive never been able to deal with it well. So I know after our trip to Portland things will be better. Stress will be less, Love will be more, and everything that comes along hand in hand with the two.
I know you can see into me, you know what I feel.
But I can't express what Im thinking.
It doesn't matter anyways, You know the real deal.
You're actions dont go left unseen.
I know I dont have to tell you, but you are my dream.
Fulfill it with me. Show me how to fly.
Take a hold of me and spread these wings.
We'll float above eternity and glide into the abyss.
I'll brush the fear from your eyes..
If you would only taste the sweetness of my lips.
Im wanting you to love me.
All we need is time.
Time.. is all we need.
Come with me to bed this time. Dont make me wait alone.

WED! Another day.. another day it is. Thank you for letting me wake up again to live yet one more day!
Cheers to the day!

all about a trip

2005-04-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

So this week will be spent in preparation for the Portland trip this coming friday. Im excited and I think it will be a much needed time away family trip. So much has been going on and it will be good to escape reality if only for a short weekend. I must admit it will be hard to relinquish the power for the couple days. Im such a crazy woman when it comes to having other people do stuff for me.. cuz then i worry about if it will be done right or not. I totally trust Linds which will soo help the situation. I got some new cd's today. Been listening to them ever since i got home.. they pose to be good traveling music. And seeing as I usually do most of the driving im excited to listen to them and hum along. Sat night.. supposidly my stellar outting night according to my horoscope, but alas I think im actually looking forward to chilling at home. I got myself a sweet bottle of wine and will do the pedicure/manicure night. The boys are asleep on the couch. Its been a long day sitting around doing nothing. ha ha. Altho I did get the house clean. I had a terrible dream last night that still haunts me. I wont go into detail cuz there is too much to describe... but all i know is i can;t get the images out of my head. :( I looked it up and it was basically just that i refuse to submit to what others want of me.. which is funny in light of recent situations. I've been called a drama queen.. perhaps it is fitting.. perhaps not. I suppose it depends on who you are talking to. I'm over everyone else's shit. I know not fully.. but im on my way there. These things take time.. and if it is one thing Im learning about all this it is Patience. Which I know I lack.. but i *WILL* have it when all this mental bullshit is over. I'm finally happy and noone is going to rain on my parade!
Cheers until the next time....

...am i still me?

2005-04-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day all in all. The sun shone through the darkness.. wish it would happen in my current moment. Im tired but the day is still among me. Disturbing talks about my changes and worry about me. WHY? Just because I am different on the outside doesn't mean im not still the same person I used to be on the inside. Talk behind my back hurts me more than helps me. But when confronted things of the past arise and i dont see their meaning to the present state. Im just like anyone else.... why single me out? Dont worry for me cuz im happy.. I LOVE me.. and is that so bad? Dont read into my behavior.. dont cause problems where there is none. Can't you see me? Im still here... Why can;t you see me for me? Because I dont call everyday does that make me bad? I do bookwork when you call.. does that make me a bad girl cuz you think i dont work? I listen to music and the speakers are right off my computer at the front? Does that mean the music is too loud? Sorry to piss you off and to make you mad. Sorry for being me.. and if its what you want i'll go back to the happy little box you enjoyed having me in. If you only want me how you want me.. then just say the words.
i will sacrafice my happiness for you cuz i love you... tell me what you want. tell me what you need..what do you want me to be??

2005-04-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, the snow is falling. The nights events still reeling in my head like a bad hang over. It was a good one, dont get me wrong, as I got to meet two new people. The Rid and his woman who I think is absolutely adorable. (just hope she wasn't too scared off by us freaks, oh wait she is with Ridlo.. i dont think that would be an issue ha ha j/k) The day seemed like a blur to begin with. Its crazy how people will let you into their lives, they tell you things that you wouldn't expect right off the bat..Its a warm welcoming from what I am accustomed to. Then those you think you know, send flying knives your way for no apparent reason. Im trying to work out all the logistics in my head. I have this new book im reading. It is interesting and makes me wonder about the actions and reactions of every situation now. This woman came in yesterday and we got into a convo about power and the limitations of kindness. She went on to say there were none and I believe there are. So to make a long story short, I could feel the power struggle between us and she was stronger. It was almost as if she took the energy from me. I remember a passage in Celestine describing this exact feeling. I let her win. I was bummed afterwards. I get this way everytime. I have a point, I have an opinion but instead of people hearing me and trying to get my point across i back down. I hate this about myself. It makes me feel so weak. There are not many things I would change about myself, but this one thing.. i'm working on it. I know there is validity in my points, and I just have to work on getting them across. To think someone is better than you is to instantly let them overpower you. Thoughts will consume me today. Ive got book work to do and to get ready for the Portland, get the store in order. So here is the thought of the day:
~If life is truly a game that you can't opt out of, do you choose Offensive or Defensive?

the boring life of me!

2005-04-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

MONDAY! whooohoo.. people never get excited about mondays. But ya know what We should all just be happy that we are able to wake up everymorning to greet a new day! (me and my optomistic bs ha ha) It was a wonderful weekend. RECAP: Friday went to see Suessical the Musical with the boys. Had a wonderful time and the Cat was a hottie! Then came to the store for Fidsy's Poker party. It was funtimes.. am now addicted to rolling rock.. whats up with that? I dont even like beer! HA HA. Then Saturday went to The land of Hemp n Honee... yep you guessed it Missoula. Shopped like a crazy woman.. it was wonderful even bought some new sneakers that im even sportin at the moment! Went to the Bar with the girls.. that is always fun, new and exciting. Got hit on by some scary ladies ha ha! But I handle well with the turn downs.. ha ha no thanks im married. (to a man that is!) Then back home Sunday for family Dinner. We did some sweet ribs with Mom and Dad, Megs, Tyty, Delaney and his beautiful wife Jody. It was fun. Watched the Contender.. Joey is ma fav. He is the man with the plan and noone knows it MUHAHAHA.. mind games of the reality tv rock. Anyways, what a boring blog. But if you want to know about me this is the way to do it! So here I come monday.. watch out! XOXOX
Peace Out!

Weekend update

2005-04-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Relaxing at home with some friends I decided on watching the movie Birth. The idea behind it was brilliant.. but odd. The woman loses her husband that she is madly in love with. Ten years have lapsed and she is ready to remarry and out of the blue shows up a 10 year old boy claiming to be her husband reincarnated. WOW. talk about blow. The boy things he couldn;t have known.. but then it twists again and again.. and your not sure what to think. Again.. the topic of love. Love so amazing that it could withstand time, age and everything else. GOD i love that!
On a different note... This weekend will be a busy one. I love planning. I'm a planner down to a T. Maybe that makes me anal.. but i dont care. Better to be prepared then ill-prepared. I get to go see Seussical the musical tonight with ma boys and im taking them to dinner at the restaurant of their choosing.. (which is Applebees.. ha ha) and then to the show. They are so excited! I haven't been to Grandstreet ever in my whole 12 years of residence here in Hel. Pathetic i know. I guess i was a late bloomer in the Arts. But im making up for lost time thats for sure! Then tomorrow (sat.) I am off to the Land of hemp n honee.. yes you guess it Missoula. Going to see ma friends T & C. Which i can't wait. They suffered through the break-up and have since made up.. (gosh i love make-up sex.. it is the best!) and we're going to a birthday party, shopping til we drop.. and yes i will get to have ma fix at Victoria's Secret.. new panties YESSSS and then out to the Disco night at a local bar they enjoy frequenting. (and no erin will not be dressing the 70's part. thank the lord) So.. i will update you of all the fun fun on Monday. Until then all ma XOXOXOX's to those I love and the special shout out 3 to the 8 to the 1.
TGIF! *sigh* of relief.. it finally came!
<3

On LOVE and MaDnEsS!

2005-04-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Ahhh... wednesday. Bill day. Rainy day. fun day? Well I guess any day could be a fun day, just all in how you approach it. Last's nights movie night was the biggest ever. It rocked. We watched House of flying daggers. Now mind you watching this movie with umpteen million boys will not get you teary eyed with all their side comments and input.. but it was heart wrenching nontheless. The story of a woman sent to pull the wool over a man's eyes... (which what woman hasn't done that.. ha ha) but the twist was she did it while the love of her life watched her at every turn. She soon falls in love with the "mark" and jealousy ensues. Bizarre love triangle... yummy, always makes for good plot lines. The colors of the movie were quite pleasing to the eye.. and ofcourse with all their hidden meanings. (white for death.. you know yada yada) Im torn on love. The topic itself i mean. One can attempt to describe love.. and how it makes one feel, yet noone can truly define it. Do you choose who you love? Or is there a higher greater purpose in the battles of love? Lust.. it attacks you at all angles.. but love.. true love.. that bond between people that just lingers in the air. It pulls like magnets, and no matter how hard you try to keep them apart then always find their way back together. (reminding me of the chatter stones/rumble rocks ha ha) But love.. there are sooo many different levels of love. You love your husband one way, your family another and your friends yet another. How do these levels work? Its a confusion that i would leave best alone for fear of driving myself mad in formalizing and hypothesizing. All i know is it makes me feel amazing.. and im happy to be in love. I dont think the butterflies will ever go away.. and if they do.. i can't wait to see what beauty, feelings and amazement await me beyond the butterflies!
Until tomorrow.. cheers to the day and love those who love you and let them know it EVERYDAY! 381

STORY

2005-04-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Just alittle something i wrote:

She took one look into his brown eyes and knew they would be together forever. His boyish charm set her heart pounding and to this day he still can. He is everything she wants to become. Her twisted fate would once again bring them together in more ways then just the usual casual date.
The snow came down heavily that day. She stared out the window as each piece floated gently down to the ground covering the harsh world with its white wonder, making all things new. The monotony of the day set her on autopilot. She was happy, she wouldn’t deny that but she knew there was something more, something about this man from her past. She had to know why he kept in touch with her. Why after all these years he had contacted her and wanted to meet. She thought back to the first time they met. How his best friend tried to set him up with her sister, yet she secretly wanted him for herself. Was she selfish in wanting him alone? There was a magnetic click between them. A hidden passion yet to reveal itself and she had to know, if nurtured, what would thrive from there.
Despite her parents wishes she accepted the ticket he bought for her to fly down to Atlanta. It was her first real trek into the big bad world. Her body quaked with fear that she would be rejected. After all it had been four years since the last time they had seen one another. The 7 hour flight set her nerves on edge. The voices around her seem to melt into nothingness. A small child of three grabbed her hand while walking the long walk into the airport from the plane. She looked down at the angelic face looking up at her and the child replied, “God be with you.” She smiled and her nerves calmed. Had God sent her an angel to calm her fears? All will be well she thought to herself as she headed to the gate where he was to be waiting for her.
His friend accompanied him to the airport. He sat waiting in the chair as his friends greeted her. Why was he still sitting? Why was he not gotten up and greeting her? Within a moment of her thought he got and walked over to where she stood. His strong arms pulled her close and she melted into his hug. She was safe and secure and knew that with him she was home.
The first night they spent catching up on years past. He told her of his newfound love for music and the guitar. He played her some songs and she sang along. It was as if they had been created for one another. The fit together like two hands intertwined for prayer.
The days become nights and the nights, days. The talked for hours on end with the nervous tension between them. He was a gentleman. He was waiting for her to signal. Some sign to let him know it was ok. She looked into his eyes, she smiles shyly and kissed him. Time stopped. His soft lips caressed her neck. His touch moved across her body slowly and softly. Her body quaked with pleasure and he unbuttoned her pajamas. Her pale skin show through the red silk pajamas and she could see his eyes fill with excitement. Nervous she was not perfect enough, she pulled the blanket over the two of them. Unhappy with her move he ripped the blanket back. “I want to see you, all of you.” He said as his hand moved down her neck to her supple breasts.
She woke up the next morning, her body wrapped in his. A Smile came across her face as she brushed the hair from his eye. No one in the house was up yet, so she lay on the floor staring at his sleeping body. She could feel his heart beat along side hers. The two were beating as one.

On me.. and the state of being

2005-04-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

Its been a long couple of weeks. My head spins with thoughts almost to the point of making me sick. I've had a wonderful weekend and much to my suprise I've found myself. It's hard to break out of the stereotype that you've been boxed into for so long. But i did it. A long bath and an epiphany later.. and I'm ME again. Flaming red tips and Tongue Piercing and a kick ass new attitude about life. My best friend and her Girlfriend are going through an agonizing break-up. I'm not to say who is right and who is wrong but i do feel myself taking sides. Neutrality is hard when you care so deeply for two people. You want to be on both sides and you want it to all work out in the end. I'm still praying for a happy ending but after last nights call, I believe the end is closer than near, it is here. They have helped me through so much shit in my life.. and to have to watch them go through this is hard. I'm so happy im ecstatic! You know those moments in your life when you dont think your going to make it out... I had one the other night. A nervous breakdown.. no i dont think so. I think i had soo many emotions running amok i wasn't sure which ones to take control over first. SO after an amazingly long and painful cry session it just hit me.. why cry? Why feel hurt.. nothing is hurting.. and why care what others think? If im happy then that is all that matters. Thinking back to that moment, i can laugh. It was so retarded. (well i was so retarded. and to be able to laugh at myself when i was in the worst possible moment is a good thing!) I admit I take things to heart. Many people do.. but I now have this amazing sense of calm. I'd like to think its not another wall built up inside.. but even if it is.. it will help me think before acting out. My life has had soo many walls built and broken down.. and not in the best ways either. Its been like the bombing attacks on the world trade. One instance something can happen and the wall would come down like that.. and im there naked.. exposed. and the next thing you know.. there is a fast approaching deadline for the new wall to be built. and in record timing.. it up and more stable than the last one. I dont believeI am the only one that goes through this processes.. but I think that for once in my life Im not afraid to say it happens and that its OK. I looked in the mirror last night and i actually say myself. I didn't see the hollow girl with the empty eyes. I saw ME.. with my flirty white smile and my emerald greens that shadow the homeland im names after. I'm back on my own two feet.. and Im better than ever.. IM ME! You may think you know Erin Elizabeth.. but you mostlikely were introduced to the sadden outter shell that so longed for acceptance.. but if you truly want to know me.. then see me for who i am now.. cuz im here and im ready to take it all on!
Cheers to those who have known me for years, for me.. thanks for those who love me for helping me through these hard times, and Hey hey hello to those waiting to be met. Cuz im coming to get ya! MUHAHAHA!

Words could not describe..

2005-04-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Monday.. need I say more? The smell of rain is in the air. It evokes such a feeling of calm and peace and solitude. Solitude what a good word. Alone.. but content. Not alone in the sense that one is alone; by oneself, but meaning that one is alone in thought. In wonderment. In feeling secure about life and living it full everyday without regrets or disregard to those around them. Maybe I am taking it slightly too far but who is to say who is right or wrong about ones own meaning of a word? I've been feeling lost for sometime. With out purpose. On a day like today those feelings amplify but for once im not afraid to face them. I am strong. So Stuart Smalley I know.. lol... but its true. I know that there is a light shining through the end of my woes and its calling me home. I go gladly for I know its been sometime since these worries have ceased. My shoulders are weary, and I am tired, but I accept full heartedly. My horoscope weighs heavily on my thoughts today.
You may be blocked or bogged down with an event that occurred long ago and is once again rearing its ugly head. Just when things were going so well at work, too. This setback is frustrating, to be sure, but it is only a minor delay. Sort out this issue that has been plaguing you and move on with your life, dear Capricorn.
Its funny how it could mean so many things.. yet nothing comes to mind at all. It's a tricky one. But I'm optomistic tomorrow will bring better more happy words. I've started a new book. It amazes me and brings up thoughts I've never dreamed before.. funny how that happens. Something with the ability to evoke feelings you never knew you had. But enough about that.. this is the end for today. I could ramble on and on and on about everything and nothing but Im going to keep busy so as not to lose what sanity i have left for the day.

...The Art Of Chinese

2005-04-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

Diplomatic and popular, the Snake has the sensual art of seduction down. This Sign is an interesting mix of gregariousness paired with introversion, intuitive reasoning paired with savvy business skills. Snakes are considered to be lucky with money and will generally have more than enough to live life to the fullest, regardless of how important it considers money to be; this may be due to the fact that Snakes tend to be rather tight with cash. They're not stingy, they're simply more mentally than physically active. Snakes tend to hang back a bit in order to analyze a situation before jumping into it. Their charming, seductive quality actually belies a rather retiring nature; this Sign is perfectly happy to spend the whole day curled up with a good book and, thus, can be mislabeled as being lazy.
The Snake is somewhat insecure deep down and tend to be a rather jealous, possessive lover, behavior that can end up alienating loved ones. Despite these less-than-stellar tendencies, however, the Snake often proves irresistible and is a generous, loving partner.. Slightly dangerous and disarmingly smart, the Snake's philosophical and intuitive mind generally supersedes logic in favor of feelings and instinct. Snakes will rely on their own gut reactions and intuitions before turning to others for suggestions. This makes this Sign a great hand in any business venture, possessing the caution and smarts needed to get ahead.
Snakes are hard workers (when they see good reason to be!) and are possessed of a keen intelligence. Snakes have incredible follow-through, once they get going, and they expect the same from others. Thus, their coworkers and employees had best stay on their toes, lest they anger the Snake and suffer its poisonous bite!
In general, of course, Snakes are generous and genteel, charming and appealing. Snakes must try to learn humility and to develop a stronger sense of self. Once Snakes realize that confidence comes from within, they will finally be comfortable in their own skin.

Does this sound like me? A seductive temptress? LMAO.. i think not. But interesting none-the-less. Its always interesting to read things that are about you.. or about your nature to see if they truly fit you. If you would like to check it out for yourself go to http://horoscopes.astrology.com/index/dailychineseindex.html and look yourself up. You may be suprised at what you find out! Its been a long week and Im ready to chill out in a nice hot bubble bath and read a good book escaping from all reality! On a real note though, the accountant called. Looks like we'll be getting something back from taxes.. i dunno how much, cuz like a tard i didn't ask but im sure he'll br bringing the info back in soon.
I think i may watch Amelie today as it is one of those days and Since ive been dreaming in silly french lately it might be good to brush up on the language.
Je suis perdu dans l'obscurité. Vous recherchant pour venir me prendre la maison. M'aimerez-vous autant que je t'aime ? 381

Coming out of my cage and im doing just fine...

2005-03-21T17:48:00.000-08:00

Words could not describe how great im feeling. I have met an awesome new friend. We have so much in common it rocks. I hope we'll get to do coffee again soon! And what could be as good as a new friend, well let me tell you. Im getting a band together. Im following my dream and attempting to make it a reality. X3 is killer on the guitar and im so stoked he agreed to be in my gay gurl band. LOL we had our first jam session last night.. well it was more like us trying to figure out what we should attempt to play and me attempting to sing. But let me tell you it felt good. Im on cloud nine.. i feel like im floating and nothing could touch me. Altho i know that with the good always comes the bad, so i am slightly afeared. But i will not let it get me down! I made a kick ass cd that ive been rockin out to all day. Made a copy for ma friend and I hope he likes it as much as I do, cuz i know i loved his. Now it will be like the cd challenge or something.. LOL.. see who could make the best one. Altho Im sure he would win. But here's to the challenge anyways!! wOOt wOOt!

"Its all coming back to me. One touch. one kiss. thats all i need. For in your eyes you set me free. Waking up to you, i see every color but blue. Lost in your embrace.. my heart sets the pace. I'll follow you into the darkness, but dont leave me be. Can't you see? I want you. I want you because you're you and you love me for me. I'll take away your hurt. I'll kiss your pain. With one dream we can live in the same. I love you sweet boy. I hope you can love me too."

until next time..

something... for the boys...

2005-03-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

Porn star boy you think your so hot
Looking at the ladies, smiling with bliss
You want to touch those girls and give em a kiss.
Its funny but its sad, how you come in everyday
Expecting to see something in the backroom to get you laid
You go home into your bedroom and work yourself silly
Too bad so sad that you’re the only one who wants to touch your willy.

just cuz

2005-03-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

one, two, three, here i come with the wicked!

schweet to the ness!

2005-03-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

So last nights movie night was awesome except for the fact that i could have died. this stupid cold i just can't seem to shake it. But oh well. Alas The whiteness has painted me the greatest picture ever and i can't wait for him to finish it so i can hang it on my wall! (which almost all of themin ma house are bare.. im a slacka) And i got to meet a new person Matt B. not to be confused with the brehe man. I love to meet new people, altho i would bet i freak them out with my 200 questions. LOL im inquisitive is that so bad? Su drove over from bozoman which rocked cuz i am truly stoked about getting to know her. Im totally sick of getting screwed over by friends that are girls. but i get a different vibe from her. she is enjoyable to be around. I also met Lindsey the boy the other day and he is so talented its crazy. its hard to see all these people and know they are soooo young and they have their whole lives ahead of them. that sounded odd but somedays i feel older than others. Last night Su and i were chilling and the boys were running around like animals and she looked at me and said now i know why you say you feel so old. oh well. i'll just be incredible mom! like in the movie. taco night went well. and the movie was awesome and then right at the end erin runs to bed while the guys go smoke. well thats my boring life and until tomorrow.. PO

You think you know.. but you have no idea!

2005-03-15T15:05:00.000-08:00

Funny the strange twists of life. A regular comes in and she tells me her husband left and but she is ok she cried for 5 mins then was done. Yet since the first telling she is in everyday telling me how much he screwed up by leaving her and what she has done since. How does one just throw away 11 years? We know love is blind.. but apparently it does not tell time well either. If he found true love good for him. Sad for who but who i am to judge what is right and wrong. All i can do is nod my head showing her i am paying attention. (even though i am running through my purchase order for the day LOL but she doesn't need to know that) The snow seems so serene falling. Covering the harsh dirty world with its soft white glow. It's promising. Like mother natures way of reassuring us that when it melts away it will reveal some sort of wonderful treasure. Like losing your favorite toy in the sandbox and days later finding it. The longest day ever is *still* going, which sucks cuz i need to get home and get the taco night going. Tuesday movie night. It wonderful to be surrounded by friends and those you love. Makes getting together something to look forward to and not dread. :) (if that makes any sense.. its not often that i do..make sense that is) Its funny how i can forget a name like its nothing yet i could remember what someone smokes or drinks or purchases at any given day. Does that make me a good customer service gal or a phycho freak? LOL dont answer that cuz im not sure i'd want to know the truth. Well until tomorrow. I will attempt at keeping up with these... Im a failure at attempting but there is always hope. ;)
Cheers!

TGIF

2005-02-25T12:30:00.000-08:00

i really wanted to sing that S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night hey.. but im a day off and it wouldn't be appropriate so... TGIF will have to do for today. and well i dont have much to say other than i wish the day was over. so until the next time i write some mundane bologne.. Peace Out.

Smell the Vomit

2005-02-16T16:25:00.000-08:00

Lets see, there is something rancid brewing in the back room. Not exactly sure what it is, however I have removed the soil stained cushion from the back room and made the Hub take out the trash this morning. Im thinking becuz of the overflowage from the drain pipe its made the carpet nasty. What a week.. and its only wednesday. So I will be Husbandless for the Weekend, well until Sunday that is. But I guess it would be a good time to get some cleaning done. How boring is my life now? Saw "saw" last night. what a freaked out twisted movie. It wasn't scary (altho I did sleep with the lights on last night LOL) It was odd to think that someone could come up with the idea and plan it all out. There are crazy people in this world and Im sure that someone would be capable of doing just that. I mean if someone can think it up to make it a movie then there must be someone dumb enough to actually try it. Killers are an odd breed. Just think.. what would give someone the drive to actually take anothers life? I guess we all have the rage within us, but most are able to practice restraint. Its one thing to think, and yet totally another to do. Some say there its all in the genetic make up-- killing i mean. That seems odd to me. What gene distinguishes between killing a bug, or an animal to that of killing a human. And then what about the sport of hunting? Would it not be choice to say that say a serial killer hunts humans for sport? I know sick thought.. its terrible really but just one of those odd things that gets tossed around in this strange little head o' mine. (could also be that vomit stench that has gotten to me! LOL) Well cheers until another day!

Cadillac Movie

2005-02-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

So the hub and some buddies decided to put in their mini movie for the cadillac contest. We'll see how they do.. but here is a preview if you would like to check it out!

http://www.zombiefood.com/mp3/poop.mov

Thanks Whitey for hosting!

Valentines day is for the weak!

2005-02-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

So lets see where to begin?... This weekend good weekend. I was sick as a dog but i got to meet new people and that is always cool. The Fam damily got a new pet as well.. UUB the bearded dragon. He rocks, well mostly sits on his rock.. but hey If i was a lizard and i could sit around basquing in the sun all day damn skippy i would do it! (altho those who know me know my ghostly whiteness and would laugh at the thought of a tan me.) But anyways.. so We went to the rents for V-day. Dad cooked up some mmm mmm good lobster and shrimp cocktail. Altho you must remember i was a sick gurl so.. alas i could not taste all the yummy goodness. then ofcourse you know how colds are.. they get worse.. so yesterday i sat on me arse and watched the hottest marriages of 2004 on VH1. I hate being zombified! But there was soo good ooohs and aahhh about what the people wore and did. Im glad im not famous.. i would hate for people to say shit about me and what i wear.--Oh wait strike that.-- they already do! One bizitch in particular whom i wont name.. but im playin on kharma. It'll whoop her shit soon. Hopefully. So anyways lets see.. oh yes come in to work today.. there is friggin water everywhere! Jusr call me Noah. But i was a good little worker and got the phone calls made to get it all cleaned up. No worries.. Until the bill comes and I about die from the cost. Speaking of cost isn't is amazing how expensive things are now-a-days. Its crazy. Now I wont do a back when i was young, cuz i may be old but truly im not that old.. anyways i just remember when things were less expensive. C'est la vie. Well still got the sick kid in the backroom so i better go check on him. Until the next tragic event.. here's Lala signing off---

I SO SICK

2005-02-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

And i dont mean in the head. Im sick and coughing and can't wait til 5. how many people are counting down the time until they can go home and go to sleep? Well I must be a lamo but i sure am. My oldest is in the back room sleeping on the couch.. its like a sick family operation.. until monday im siging off!

I can't deal with this sh*t... LITERALLY!

2005-02-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

So what to say about yesterday. I know i was late posting a post.. but my lordy after you hear about the day i had you'll understand why. I have two words for you, Drunken man. Yes ma friends the ladyxurg dealt with the best of em yesterday. This guy comes in drunk off his arse barely able to stand-up and is wanting me to play charades with him. Im thinking to myself dear Lord what rock did you crawl out of.. or bar more likely. Anyways ofcourse me being the nice gal i am tried to calmly ask him what he needed.. if there was anything he needed. He continues to peruse the store and im like OMFG he shat in his pants! Not only stinking to holy heaven but he's harassing the customers. Thank goodness for me there were two sweetie pea boys who stayed in the store until the man was gone. Sounds like it would have been an easy task, but alas i even had to raise my voice. So then he finally leaves.. after making sure he sits in one of my nice cushioned chairs in the front- which now by the way has to be fumigated and possibly shredded and burned and burried in the backyard. ;) (joking about the burying part) so then i continue to clean and stock and about 20 mins later... Ta DA! the drunken Indian is back. Needless to say I myself thought i was going to have a heart attack but luckily someone was watching out for me cuz not more than two steps into the store the cops came and nabbed him. Which the funny thing is he could barely talk coherently to me, and yet the sight of a cop must really sober a man up for he had no problems talking to him. anyways.. yeah so.. raise your glass and lets cheer to hopefully a better day today!

2005-02-07T15:18:00.000-08:00

moi

Monday... soooooo slow to me..

2005-02-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

What to say about monday? Well its cold outside and its becoming obvious that people aren't willing to freeze off any tatties to come and buy their daily allotment of soda and smokes. who knew. Altho strangely enough there has been someone on the computer systems most of the day. Annoying little shits (well one in particular) that they are im greatful for the patronage. Finished watching Catwoman. What a waste. Odd to think that the academy award winning actress that she is would stoop so low.. but i guess we all have our prices eh?!? So lets see.. one of my buddies roped me into this and he wanted to read about how my days are.. unfortunately for him they do NOT involve thrusting my tatties around in peoples face.. har har... low blow i know! But hey I couldn't resist. So here it is.. Happy Monday. Hope you enjoy and sadly enough my life will be so boring that one of these days i will end up going back and reading this multiple times checking for spelling errors! Cheers of the day... until tomorrow that is.. MUHAHAHA!